Limericks

Jun 10, 2017
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it is Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our June 29 show in Philadelphia at the beautiful Mann Center. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

JENNIFER MILLNER: Hi. This is Jen Millner from Waupaca, Wis.

SAGAL: Waupaca? Are you sure that's a town and not a furry animal?

MILLNER: Yes, very sure.

SAGAL: Where is it?

MILLNER: Central Wisconsin.

SAGAL: Central Wisconsin. And what do you do there?

MILLNER: I am an editor for a craft magazine and catalog for Herrschner's.

SAGAL: Are you crafty yourself?

MILLNER: I wasn't until I got this job.

SAGAL: Yes. Well, welcome to the show, Jennifer. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

MILLNER: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: I have not had a trip to Ibiza, nor been unimpressed by Mona Lisa. My Yale essay will show that I write what I know. I love slices. I'll write about...

MILLNER: Pizza?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you want an Ivy League education, all you need are good grades and a deep love for pizza. A high school senior from Tennessee says her essay about the joys of eating Papa John's with her dad got her into Yale. Meanwhile, an admissions counselor at Yale says, quote, "it was actually pretty lame, but what can I say? I was hungry. Is she here yet?"

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Perhaps the best part of the story, the young pizza guzzler turned Yale down. She said she's planning to attend a state school, not some snooty elite school that's easily fooled by a dopey pizza essay.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: To be chosen by God, I have no shot, yet I preach and raise arms that will glow hot. Though I'm not quite a pastor, you'll bow to your master. I am Germany's first ordained...

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You can get this answer.

MILLNER: Robot?

SAGAL: Yes, robot.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Robot.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The small German town of Wittenburg has unveiled the first-ever robot preacher. It's called BlessU-2, or in the original...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...German - gesundheit. And it looks like a cross between an ATM and the Terminator. It has a head and arms, and the arms shoot beams of light just like a human pastor does.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But unlike your typical human church leader, BlessU-2 issues personal blessings on little receipts. And if you're having a crisis of faith, you can just put a quarter in the mouth and play "Pac-Man."

FAITH SALIE: Does this robot go around town, or do you have to go it?

SAGAL: You have to go to it, yeah.

POUNDSTONE: This robot...

SALIE: Seems like it has a lot of power. It's disturbing.

POUNDSTONE: No, this robot has secret sex with that vending machine in Russia.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: (Imitating robot) Like, like, like, like, like.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here is your last...

POUNDSTONE: (Imitating robot) Bless you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: Our station won't bug you with words, no more yakking by politics nerds, just a literal stream because nature's our theme. You'll hear frogs and the chirping of...

MILLNER: Birds?

SAGAL: Yes, birds.

KURTIS: Birds.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you find NPR to be a little too in your face, check out the new Slow Radio station in the Czech Republic. Instead of music or yet another podcast about podcasts, Slow Radio is nothing but the sounds of nature, the chatter of woodland creatures, babbling brooks and the sounds of Fresh Air - hosted by Terry Gross.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: You know, we have a sound machine that does that.

SAGAL: Yeah?

SALIE: Yeah. We live in the city, so you have to, like, make sure you don't hear the sounds of nature when you're trying to sleep, so we just turn on the sound machine to hear fake sounds of nature.

SAGAL: Really?

SALIE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Well, wouldn't you rather it be live on the radio?

SALIE: Sure, but am I going to have to pledge?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Three, three, three. Jennifer won.

SAGAL: There you go.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Jennifer, thank you so much for playing.

MILLNER: Thank you, Peter.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LET DA MONKEY OUT")

REDMAN: (Rapping) Yo. Yo. Yo. Say oo-oo-ah-ah-ah (ph). Say oo-oo-ah-ah-ah. Yo, let the monkeys out. Show them fools what it's all about. Holler out. Yo. Say oo-oo-ah-ah-ah. Yo. Say oo-oo-ah-ah-ah. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.